you will never regret being kind

Recently I started thinking about the word kindness and what it means.
To be someone with a servants heart.



kind-ness

NOUN

1. the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate



I feel like ever since JR was born, my whole view of the world, of life, has completely and utterly shifted in the most amazing way.
I will be the first to admit that my fuse is probably shorter than most. I tend to get frustrated quicker than the average. But I am very aware of that. And I, 99% of the time, feel guilt once I recognize I am letting an outside stressor impact me personally. I cannot control what others chose to do or say. I cannot control my work flow. I cannot control the weather, someone else's feelings, what is happening in our world today. But- I can very much control on how I handle how I internalize it. I can control how I deal with the cards I have been dealt. I can choose to look at each card that comes my way and try to find the positive in it. Find the teaching lesson in it. Find the way to maybe turn and imperfect situation into the perfect time for growth.
I know I am not perfect. I know I have work to do. But I think that is all a part of growing up, getting older, gaining wisdom, knowledge.

Every day I am making a conscious decision on what kind of person I want to be. What kind of mother do I want to be for my son. What kind of example do I want to set for him. If he did the same action I am about to do, how would I feel about it? Would I be disappointed in him? Would I be PROUD of him?

When I got pregnant, the biggest thing I journaled about was my worry that I would be an inadequate mother. That I wouldn't be able to lead by example. Was I really THAT good of a human being to raise a giving, selfless, KIND child? Deep down, I know that I truly am. I have yet to "let myself down" - so to speak. I am sure there will be a time when I feel I could have done better but I know in my heart that I am doing the absolute best for him and I think one day he will be proud of that much.

I think how you make others feel about themselves, says a lot about you. Kindness is contagious (just look at when you all "pay it forward" at the Starbucks line, everyone gets their coffee paid for by the person in front of them!) I hope that in a room full of people who may be shutting someone down, he will be the man to stand up, against the grain, and lend a comforting hand. If I can teach him a little bit of those things, he will turn out a-ok.

It's been a long time...

It has been a minute since I have got on my lap top and blogged.
Truth be told, I thought I broke my laptop somehow and was too lazy to take it to the store to get it fixed. I randomly picked it up today and it turned on. Needed to be wiped completely, but hey, it works.
I last blogged when I first found out I was pregnant. I now have a healthy, active, vivacious, crazy, two-toothed 9 month old.
My life has been forever changed. And in the greatest way possible.

As a little girl playing house in my garage with my neighborhood "boyfriend", I always imagined what kind of mother I would be. Would I be good at it? How hard could it be to take care of a child? I mean, I did a really good job with my Baby Born doll. And I have to say, now that motherhood is here, I think am doing more than ok. I am not just saying that because I need the ego boost. I am truly happy to say that thus far the amount of pride I take in being a mother shows. My son is loved, so loved. I know he knows it. He lights up when he sees me or his father.

I started writing him letters shortly after he was born. My post delivery experience was a near death experience and it was truly terrifying. I watched as my husband came in and out of my hospital room, with tears in his eyes, and my fresh 4-5 day old son cradled gently in his arms and the thought never left my mind that I may never get to raise this sweet little boy. That my husband may have to do it alone. Once I mentally recovered from the ordeal I decided I needed to write my sweet JR and try my hardest to write him often. Should I ever be called to Heaven before I am ready to go, before my son is old enough to understand, I wanted to leave behind letters from his Mama. Letters he could read when he was sad, missing me, or just needing to be reminded just how much I love him. And God willing, should I live on this world until I am old and grey, it will be a wonderful gift to give to him when he is older. Something he can read back on and understand just how deep a love is from a parent for their child.

Being a mother is by far one of the best titles I have (along with being a wife) and I am so excited to watch this little guy grow. Excited to watch him imagine his future, just as I did as that little girl playing house in the garage.