Today, while on my lunch break, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and I stumbled upon this article. Take the 3 minutes to pop over there and read it. It may or may not apply to you.
But in every way, shape, and form, it did apply to me.
November 16, 2015 was the day that I truly feared for my life. The day that shook everything into perspective for me. I vividly remember my husband walking into my room while nurses surrounded me, with tears in his eyes, fear plastered on his face, holding my four day old son and thinking to myself 'I am not going to make it to raise my son. He [Joe] is going to have to do this alone.'
I remained calm. Despite his worry, his tears, my mothers worry and her tears - I kept it together. I needed to. Every breath I was taking was literally a complete struggle. I could feel my lungs filling with fluid. I could feel myself literally drowning from the inside. If I started crying I knew taking those important breaths would only become more difficult and may kill me. Or if I allowed the fear of death take over that my heart wouldn't be able to fight through the failure it was going through. I needed to breath. I needed to keep my heart beating. I needed to keep calm.
I also realized quite quickly that although I had only been a mother for 4 days, that my son would only know of me through my legacy. What I had left behind. How I treated people. Unlike the author to that blog post above, I didn't hate those answers. But I didn't love them either.
I was very fortunate to have pulled through. I was fortunate to have stayed here on this earth. I have been blessed to help raise my son. Blessed to carry my second son, who is due to arrive in just 18 days, if not sooner (should he decide to come on his own). And I have truly made a conscious effort daily to make sure the legacy I am leaving behind is a positive one.
About a month ago, my cousin and I were chatting online and he asked me "When did I stop being a Snapchat/Instagram/Facebook ho?" - Literally quoted haha. And my answer was simple. My son.
After JR was born, so much of the things I found myself caught up in seemed so insignificant. I wouldn't consider myself an angry person per say, but I definitely found myself a tad more riled up than one should get over a Facebook political post. And I would let it fester nonetheless. All that negativity carried over into my personal life, my home life, my work life.
Who wants to read someones raging Twitter feed or Facebook posts about how annoyed they are? I can tell you who - NO ONE.
Negativity b r e e d s Negativity.
Why feed into it? Why allow that to exist in MY life when I have all the power in the world to omit it. I made the conscious decision to stop whining. Stop being negative. I had way to much to be happy about to allow something vile and annoying consume me. I started thinking before all my posts, 'would this be something I would want my son to see?' Most of my posts in the beginning, before hitting the "share" button, ended up deleted. I would read what I wrote before hitting the post button and realize "dang girl, you don't need to share that."
And over time I didn't need to filter myself nearly as much. Because the more I practiced being positive, the more my life truly changed. I legitimately stopped caring about the negative things. They stopped bothering me. I am able to scroll right on by.
This same practice carried over into real life, outside of social media. Because I was less agitated about insignificant things, I started noticing my relationships changing. I found, for example, people gossiping at work, complaining and I would say about 97% of the time, I can truly let it roll.
Or if I find someone saying something negative, I tried to play devils advocate and show the positive to the situation. Whether or not they appreciate my optimism about it is on them. But for me, I am choosing daily to not partake in the negativity.
I feel this has also helped me in my marriage. Marriages aren't cake. They're hard work, every day. All day. I feel that I am more in tune with really trying to listen to Joe. His needs. His wants. I am trying every day to be the best partner for him so that way it is easy for him to be the best partner for me. Marriage is a two way street and if I find myself snapping at him or working against him I want to be able to acknowledge that, say that I am sorry, him know I mean it when I say it and always know I am in his corner.
So, to make this long story short. I really hope when you read this you understand you don't need to be near death to make the decision to be happy in your life. To find solace in the little things. You can actively make that change today. You are in control. And if there is something in your life that is dragging you down, making you unhappy, you have the choice to cut it out. Whether it be a partner, "friends", social media, a job. Nothing is worse sacrificing your happiness and building that legacy.
Strive every day to be a good person. Share your kindness with the world and the world will surely share it right back with you.
Until next time....
