I always imagined in my head how hard it must be for family to say good bye to their loved ones as they leave for the military.
I think the feelings I imagined in my head fell short of how extremely emotional, painful yet joyful that moment is when you're loved one walks through the airport terminal and says "Bye. See you. Love you guys."
This past weekend was probably one of the most emotional filled weekends I have ever had in my life.
Ever.
I am already teary eyed writing about it.
I will start with Friday.
My day began around 6 AM when my phone rang. It was my father.
I knew exactly what he was calling to tell me.
You see, a week ago to the day (and on my sisters wedding day), my Great Grandmother suffered a massive stroke.
She was 98 years old. And up until a few months ago was still living on her own and for the most part - completely caring for herself. She was a vivacious, independent, intelligent and beautiful woman.
My grandmother had that stroke the morning of my sisters wedding. So before my sister said her "I-do's" we headed to the hospital to say our good byes to our grandmother.
She made it a whole week which gave all our family time to say their good byes and begin to reflect on what a beautiful life she had and how truly blessed we were to have such a wonderful woman apart of our lives.
My father was calling me to tell me my Grandmother had passed.
My response "OK, I will talk to you soon."
I was still half in a slumber and not exactly processing the information he gave me.
I sat in bed, with my eyes wide open, staring at the ceiling, waiting and waiting for the tears to come.
But they never did.
You see, my Grandmother wouldn't want me to mourn her loss, but to rejoice in the beautiful life she lived.
And I feel like I did just that. I called work and let them know I would be taking the day to be with family. I felt like my Grandmother gave me the gift of time.
I should have worked that day, but instead I spent the day with my brother who would be leaving Sunday.
The weekend was basically filled with me following my brother around, laughing with him, laughing at him and just enjoying my time with him.
My brothers decision to join the Army broke me. Shook me to my core.
I consider myself to be a very over the top patriotic American.
America is my home. It's the land of the free and the home of the brave.
I have always been thankful for our service men and women. Many of my friends serve this country.
But to get the news that your baby brother signed a contract that in an essence makes him government property- something inside of me changed.
I couldn't stop crying.
So many emotions. What if he dies while serving? What if he is hurt and impaired for the rest of his life? THIS IS SUCH A GREAT OPPORTUNITY!! I am so unbelievably PROUD! This is SO COOL!
It's literally so many different emotions of sheer panic, fear, joy, proudness, anticipation a sister could feel for a sibling.
I am going to fast forward to Sunday now. I woke up at my mothers (I spent the night at my parents so I could wake up with my brother every morning & have breakfast with him) and made pancakes and bacon. My father came with his fiance. Jakes girlfriend was there. His friends came over. Everyone who loves and cares for my brother were all sitting at the table together, laughing, and sharing their unwavering support for my brother.
A few times, I removed myself from the group, sat on the couch and just absorbed what I was seeing.
I was witnessing a family so passionate about supporting and caring for Jake.
I saw my brother taking it all in and truly appreciating everyone coming out for him.
It really warms my heart.
The hardest part of that Sunday came at about 2:30pm. It was time to say good bye.
I could feel my emotions choking in my throat. Tears welling in my eyes and how hard I was trying to force all my feelings down.
I wanted to be strong for him. I didn't want him to see me cry. But if you know me at all, I can't. I wear my emotions all out there. I can't hide it.
I hugged him so tight & told him I was proud and I loved him.
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| Just before leaving for MEPS |
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| Dad & Jake before leaving for MEPS |
And before I knew it I was standing in the kitchen, all the guest had filed out, and I was bawling.
I cried on and off the remainder of the day. And ate my feelings.
The plan was for everyone to meet at my Mom's again at 7 AM so we could all leave and head out to Syracuse NY to the MEPS office to watch him swear in.
Monday morning, bright & early I headed to my Mom's.
We all filed into cars and started heading out to Syracuse. My sister was back from her honeymoon. So today was her only chance to see and say good bye to my brother.
We met at Dennys and attempted to eat breakfast, which didn't work out very well.
I was so nervous and anxious I couldn't eat. I took one bite of toast with my eggs & felt sick to my stomach.
Before I knew it, it was time to head over to the MEPS building to watch him swear in.
We walked in and he was sitting with all the other recruits. We couldn't say hello to him just yet. We filed into a room and waited until he was able to hang out with us.
Within 15 minutes he was able to sit with his and hang out until it was time to swear in. During that time, one employee came back to tell the families what to expect during basic combat training. That today, we could witness them swearing in, have lunch with them and that we could even follow them to the airport, get a temporary boarding pass that would get us through security to sit with our loved one until they boarded the plane (which we did NOT expect)!
We all were then called into the "red room" to witness the swearing in process.
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| My brother is all the way in the back. |
I was so focused on watching him that I didn't even think to cry. Which I was proud of.
I could've sworn I would have been the only one bawling my eyes out in the corner.
After he swore in, he ate some lunch, boarded a bus and we all following him to the airport.
We got our temp passes so we could get back behind security.
I cant even begin to express how thankful I was that they allowed the families to do that.
And then we sat in the airport for about 2 hours just hanging out, spending time with Jake. Watched some Vines and laughed.
Some may say those moments flew by. I would say just the opposite. They dragged on for me.
I was so anxious for what I knew was inevidably coming that it felt like eternity. But when that moment came when they called his flight, my heart sank.
I looked at him and said "Shit, you can be AWOL. It's not really time yet."
And I could feel that lump in my throat creeping up again.
We walked him over to the gate and pretty much everyone lost their shit. Including my brother.
We have had 6 months to come to terms with him leaving the nest and joining the Army.
But no amount of time could prepare you for the feelings you're going to have on that day. The first time you say good bye to your loved one.
When it was my turn, I hugged him as tight as I could and told him I loved him and how proud I was. And that I couldn't wait to see him graduate. I watched him cry as he said goodbye to everyone who came out to show their support that day.
And then I watched as he stood in line, hand over his boarding pass and turn around one last time, raise his hand as he waved and said "Bye guys. Love You." and he rounded the corner.
And I pretty much lost my shit.
I cried on and off on the ride home. Thoughts ran through my head. I was no longer just going to be able to call him to do lunch. I wasn't going to see him twerk randomly in the day. I wasn't going to hear the sound of him on his Xbox in the background while visiting my mom.
So many little things I took for granted just walked onto a plan and flew to Fort Sill.
Now our journey starts as a military family.
I plan on writing him a letter each day he is gone.
I don'd mind if he never gets the chance to write me back.
I just want him knowing that I am 100% behind him every step of his career.
Support is so key in these situations.
Words cannot express how thrilled I am to fly to Oklahoma in October and watch him graduate.
I look forward to him coming home & rounding the corner in uniform at OUR airport, with signs in hand and jumping on him to give him the biggest hug.
This weekend may have been hell.
It may have been full of tears and slight migraines.
But it is the beginning of something wonderful.
It's the beginning of watching my young brother turn into a Army Strong man.
And I think my Great Grandmothers funeral that same night of my brother leaving really captured it all.
I didn't cry once at her funeral.
It wasn't a funeral.
No one was mourning the life of our loved one. Instead, we were embracing her beautiful life.
It was a celebration.
And that' what this journey will be. A celebration of Jake becoming something greater than just a homegrown kid. He is becoming a Soldier.
God Bless America.
