Wisdom from a Wichman: October 2013

Remember when you were 7 years old and it was Christmas Eve night

And you were so incredibly anxious, excited & giddy that you couldn't sleep, so you didn't.

You sat up all night waiting for Santa to come?

And without fail, every Christmas morning he came without disappointment.

That was what it felt like for the first time, the night of October 15th, since I was a child.

And what I felt like every night up until Sunday when I would leave Oklahoma.

That feeling of pure excitement is something I will never forget.

I woke up Wednesday the 16th and finished packing my duffle for my three flights to Oklahoma.

I hardly felt rested as I spent most of the night with my eyes closed but hardly sleeping.

Thinking of seeing my brother over and over for the first time.

And how excited I was to finally hug him again.

Every flight to Oklahoma hardly had a layover.

We didn't miss a single flight.

And when we got to Lawton, OK to say there was nothing to do would be a serious disservice to those hoping to travel there one day. There was literally hardly anything. haha.

My Dad picked my husband, Joe, and I up from the airport.

We checked into our rooms and headed out to dinner with everyone who came out to support my brother (Mom, Paul, Lisa, Dad, Kayla, Amanda, Joe & Myself). Afterwards, we went right to bed.

I didn't sleep. That night before Christmas excitement consumed me.

We stayed on the military base. Do you have any idea to know what it is like to be so close to a loved one but not be able to see them???

Needless to say, it made for a long, restless night.

I got up the morning of the 17th. I curled my hair. I did my make up.

I know he is my brother. And I know I didn't need to doll myself up. But I didn't want the first time he saw me to think, ew, couldn't you have tried to look decent haha.

And I realized, I am a reflection of him.

My actions, my appearance, my language, everything I did while in Oklahoma could potentially effect my brother. And I didn't want people giving him grief over something I was perfectly able to have control over. I was on my best behavior.. Which is SHOCKING! haha

We headed over to where the Family Day demonstration would be taking place. Several times I found myself clapping my hands and smiling ear to ear.

It was so hard to contain. I didn't want to contain it either.

We found a spot on the bleachers and waited. And waited. And waited.

It felt like forever.

Then it began.

The Family Day demonstration was an opportunity for all the Privates to show their loved ones what they endured during basic combat training. So there were several demonstrations that went on.

And every time a new demonstration would start, my eyes would dart from left to right, scanning, searching for my brother. And each time when I came to the conclusion that he was not part of the demonstration, I would strain my eyes and attempt to pierce through the tent to see if I could make out his silhouette.

My sister and I, several times, said, "Oh maybe THAT'S him!!!" Only to find out it wasn't! I think we were hoping SO badly we would see him any second that we were tricking our brains into thinking he was in there somewhere.

But he wasn't.

They saved him for DEAD last.

He didn't sign up for a single demonstration.

He stayed in his dress blues and marched out with his entire battery.

Do you see how many men and women there are?!

Can you imagine my family & I searching and searching in this massive group of soldiers to find OUR loved one.

I remember hearing someone say, "Oh My God! I see him. There's Jake."

I said over and over again "Where!!? Where!!?"

I couldn't see him.

I couldn't find my own damn brother.

And then, out of the sea of blue uniforms, my eyes locked on his stern face.

Private Wichman; middle row, third male in.

And I lost it.

Everything felt so right.

And I just cried.

The amount of pride, joy, happiness, and an overwhelming amount of emotions I can't even put into words, is completely indescribable.

Mostly, I felt PROUD. So PROUD to say "That is MY brother. And look at all he has accomplished."

This moment came and went so incredibly fast.

At least it felt too short.

Before I knew it, he was gone and we were all headed to the Battery to wait for our loved one to get their day pass and come hang out with us.

He stood on his Battery platform.

They were supposed to be able to turn around and leave to go with their families at 11am.

But at 11:14am, they were still in formation.

Reciting over and over:

Sergeant: "There will..."

Privates: "BE NO..."

Sergeant: "drinking. You will be back at 19:45 hours. You will not be late."

They spent what seemed like an eternity going over the rules.

Drilling it in their heads.

My brother laughing at the Sergeants jokes.

And then, they were dismissed.

He was able to turn and acknowledge us for the first time all day.

He was able to hug us for the first time in about 10 weeks.

He was able to kiss his girlfriend for the first time in about 10 weeks.

He was able to be with his family again.

Hugging Mom for the first time. And my sister crying to the left.

Hugging Dad for the first time. And me wiping my nose in the background from crying. Sexy.

And finally, hugging me for the first time.

And everything felt back to normal for a moment.

Everything felt whole again.

The thing that gets to me the most is, I know how incredibly difficult this was on myself, my family and his girlfriend.

I know how many times I cried because I missed him. Because I thought of something funny and went to call him but was reminded that I couldn't. Because I heard a song that reminded me of jamming out in the car with him.

I know how HARD it is to be in this unique situation.

I just hope and pray daily that it isn't as hard on him.

We had each other to lean on when times got rough.

We had each other.

He had himself.

Of course I know he missed us, but I don't ever want him (or Kayla) to feel the way I feel when one of them is away from me. That feeling that something seriously important is missing.

I want nothing but happiness and success for him.

And I think the military is giving that gift to him. Success.

He is a completely different man.

He has an immense amount of pride in what he has accomplished, as he should.

He says "Yes ma'am" and "No sir" like a gentleman should.

He stands tall, heels together, feet at a 45 degree angle, hands at the small of his back.

He is calm. He is patient.

He is Army Strong.

Friday was Graduation Day.

It was a wonderful ceremony.

Completely unreal.

Everyone of them sat, backs straight. Hands on their thighs - just at the knee.

Face forward. Never moving to peer around the room. They sat like statues.

They stood when commanded, sat when commanded. Yelled marching words when told.

I just sat in my seat, wide eyed. Taking it all in. I didn't want to miss a single thing.

"Private Jacob Wichman. Rochester, NY."

He walked across the stage and shook everyones hand.

Exited the stage and walked without looking around. Walked right by us. Sat himself back in his seat & assumed the same seated position as they were in before.

After everything was over, we had to follow them to AIT (Advanced Individual Training). And hope that he got a weekend pass.

Thankfully, he did.

We spent the entire weekend just simply enjoying his company.

We smothered him.

We hugged the shit out of him.

The old Jake would have been like "ok ok enough enough."

But this time, he soaked it up.

He smiled, he posed for pictures, he hugged back.. he hugged tightly.

I can't even begin to describe how many times I just hugged him and held him there.

How many times I just randomly said, "I am so proud of you."

I wanted him to walk away from this weekend knowing how damn proud I was.

I know he KNOWS.