Rules of the Road

What is it about driving that gets so many people riled up? Is it the fact that many people don't give themselves enough time on their commutes to and from work? Or is it morons on the road that just slow us down?

I dont know what it is about drivers but one observation I have made (well, more like Joe had pointed out & it has caused me to notice it more) is that women SUCK at driving. Not just a little bit, but a whole freakin lot. We just suck at driving.

Yes, I am a woman. Yes, I will probably offend other women. But 99% of us need to own up to the fact that most of us (not all) suck at driving. If only everyone drove like me (haha), getting to work would be a much easier task & probably would leave me with a lot less grays.

Here are my rules of the road:

1) The gas peddle is on the right. Push it & you will roll forward. In my opinion it should be pushed to the floor board while on the expressway. Stop going 55mph, you wuss. Step on it.

2) The left lane is for people like Dale Earnhardt and people like me. Get the hell out of the left lane if your plan is to go 55 in a 55. The left lane is my spot. It's for the people who like to drive 75 or 80. There is nothing I hate more than cruising on down 590 and having to slow down for grandma who is going the speed limit.

3) If you see me cruising on down the left lane and you actually are one who check your side view mirrors before moving over, don't move over in front of me and slow me down. I swear, some people do this intentionally.

4) Use your damn blinker. I hate when people slam on their brakes and decide "Oh hey, I guess I should turn here, right this very second and give the guy behind me no damn warning."

5) Flicking me off doesn't offend me. So don't waste your time. Keep your finger on the steering wheel you pansy.

6) Hey Asshole, turn your damn lights on at night, oh and in the rain too. If you don't realize you don't have them on, then you're obviously not paying attention enough & probably shouldn't be driving anyways.

7) No, there is no unicorn in front of you. You don't need to brake when no one is in front of you.

8) Rubber necking is for losers. Pay attention to what's in front of you. Chances are the douche on the side of the road was rubber necking the hot chick picking her nose & rear ended the car in front of him. Pay attention & don't slow down to be nosey.

9) Pull over for ambulances & police. Or move over a lane when HELP trucks, officers, or construction is off to the side. Usually you have two other lanes to be in. PS- if this means you move in to my left lane & slow me down, I will let it slide for the safety of others on the side of the road.

10) And lastly, texting while driving (& I am guilty of committing this offense every now & then) but really, we all could save it for later. Nothing is so important that you need to place your life & my life in danger. Chances are your boob shot for your boyfriend or wiener shot for your girlfriend can wait a few minutes.