Discouragement & 130

I was such a bitch yesterday. Seriously. I was and sort of still am a bit discouraged at how this weight loss is happening. Back in the day, when I wanted to lose weight, I would go to the gym & it would literally fall off. I would go for a week and I would lose like 12lbs. It was cake.

It's taking a lot longer this time around. It's been 13 days and I've lost 7lbs. I know that's pretty good. Don't get me wrong. I'm just used to it falling off. And my food cravings have been horrendous. All I want is burgers and pizza. And with every topping you can put on those two foods, yeah, I want those too. WAH!

I was in such a sour mood when I went to the gym last night because yesterday morning I weighed in at 134. Seriously, what the fuck? Why can't I just get into the 120's again? What the hell is going on? I felt like all this gym time, protein shakes, grilled chicken, cashews and salads weren't helping me at all. And to be honest, if this shit isn't working, I would honestly rather eat my greasy, tasty foods than greens and shakes and feel like I am enjoying my meals if I can't enjoy my body and be forced to eat grass for the rest of my life.

When I woke up & saw 130lbs, it was like a slap in the face. Meghan, you have to do this ANYWAYS. If you seriously want a job in law enforcement, you have to run on that annoying treadmill. You're going to have to lift weights. You wont be able to just sit at home & eat garbage plates every week because you feel like it. I have to be healthy not only for myself, and my future children, but also because if I ever want to be successful in law enforcement, I have to be physically able to perform on the job.

It was like a new piece of motivation. A reminder of WHY I am doing this. I am easily discouraged when it comes to food and working out. I don't like it. Garbage plates are 10x  more satisfying to me than a mixed green salad. And sitting around "relaxing" is much more appealing to me than sweating profusely at the gym. I am hoping the farther I go with my journey that this will change. That I will so badly crave a long, hard run over time on the couch watching TV, but I would be lying to you if I told you that's how I felt right now. Because I don't. This is a daily battle for me.

But here's to 130. Hopefully sometime next week I will be in the 120's and I will keep pushing myself to get to my goal weight of 110. This is hard work. & I need to keep the big picture in mind & not lose sight of what is important to me.