137lbs

3 months before my wedding & I step on the scale. I am humiliated.
I am 137 lbs. Yeah, to some that's not a lot. But at 5'3" I am borderline overweight according to BMI standards. And according to my own. I have never in my life weighed this much.
I can't imagine myself walking down the aisle with the way I feel about myself right now.

As of today I am making a change. Joe and I went to a gym on his lunch break and got a tour. We have a free trial until the 22nd. It's beautiful there. But super expensive. So we will see if that ends up being our gym of choice.
But I am sticking with it this time. I need to. I want to.
When I stepped on that scale and I saw those numbers flashing in my face, I lost it. I started bawling my eyes out. I have never felt this badly about myself. I feel like I have lost all self confidence. I am the only one who can change that.

I made a promise to myself not to eat anymore garbage plates until I reach 120 and if I even crave one then, I will considering treating myself. But enough is enough.

Let's hope I don't fail.

Onto something more uplifting.
I met with the admissions advisor at the U of R today for the accelerated nursing program. It seemed like a MUCH better fit for me. It's a serious application process and I think I would be really lucky if I got in. What makes me nervous is if I put all my time and energy into taking the pre-requisites and then I don't get into the program, I would be pissed. Livid, actually.
But I think I am going to go for it. A lot of the pre-reqs I can take online. So I could continue to work and work towards my nursing degree. And when the time comes to apply for the program I would re-evaluate my employment then. Apparently some of their students are working now. But only like 9 out of 60 work. But hey, at least some are working. It gives me some hope that I could work a shift or two here and there to help pay the bills and also advance myself towards a legitimate career.

So I guess we shall see what happens.

Wish me luck on this whole weight loss thing. I tend to get really down on myself, really quickly. And well, that's not the greatest thing when you're trying to lift yourself up. haha.